


the other side of the berlin wall

by grayintogreen



Category: Alias (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, character study based entirely on subtext in one shared scene, it's only homoerotic if you really want it to be, seriously am i the only one here who got a vibe off those two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 00:11:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20769278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grayintogreen/pseuds/grayintogreen
Summary: Irina brings Cole into her organization and a month later, Sark's sitting in an outpost in Berlin with a knife to his throat and Cole explaining in excruciating detail how many times a man can actually die before he's really dead.





	the other side of the berlin wall

Irina brings Cole into her organization and a month later, Sark's sitting in an outpost in Berlin with a knife to his throat and Cole explaining in excruciating detail how many times a man can actually die before he's really dead. If this were anyone else, Sark would shoot his mouth off the way he did to everyone who wasn't Irina or Khasinau in that cocky way of his, but it's Cole and there are some things you just don't do to McKenas Cole and expect things not to get much worse for you- there's a small chance that he might think it's cute, but, more than likely, he'd cut you like a fish.

Men like Cole ought to come with a handbook, honestly, but they don't, so the people who deal with them have to learn by experience. Sark has a lot of scars he didn't have before this mission, courtesy of his experimentation with the weight of Cole's mercy and control. He's a fast learner.

He doesn't say anything as Cole rambles away- you'd think the man wasn't paying attention to where exactly his knife was and that somewhere in his empathetic gesturing with his free hand and his furious ranting, he'd slip up and slice open Sark's jugular, but Cole has a torturer's hands and they're eerily steady. They say the best torturers are the ones who have already been tortured. Maybe that's true for men like Cole, but Sark's been tortured too and his hands still shake. Maybe it's just a matter of degree.

There's no rhyme or reason for this conversation and both of them know it. Sometimes Cole just gets twitchy and whoever happens to be near him at the time gets the brunt of it. Sark's been his partner for the past two weeks on a deep-cover mission in Germany and he's gotten the worst of it. He'd wonder if that means that Cole doesn't like him, except that he knows that it means Cole likes him too much. And all of this Sark understands, because Cole is Cole and that's all there is to it. Cole is all the madness in the world, full of sound of fury and signifying everything. He might be damaged goods, might be crazy, but he's a genius. Just a different sort of genius than Sark's really comfortable with. Geniuses like Cole don't change the world- they just want to watch it burn.

It makes one wonder what Irina was thinking letting a man like that into her organization even if he does have his uses. Irina and her charity cases- the woman has more heart than most people give her credit for, except for the part where you have to consider that all of her charity cases are people she wants to tear down and rebuild. Take the broken and beaten and hopeless, buy their loyalty with salvation, and reap the benefits of their talents. It's good business if you can manage it.

They're really not so different, him and Cole. That's also just a matter of degree. Sark's not really comfortable with that either. Maybe that's why he's so scared of him- it has nothing to do with dominance or aggression or alpha and beta. It's the fact that he might perpetually be just five steps away from becoming just like him.

Cole must have completely lost his train of thought somewhere, because now he's digging the knife in just a little bit more, but still not enough to pierce the skin, his expression twisted in confusion, while Sark's thoughts scatter away as he's reminded of the situation that he's found himself in. He's certain that Cole is prodding him like that, because he wants an actual answer. "...The fuck was I sayin'?"

Sark has no idea what the answer to that question is and he's not sure if he wants to admit that he hasn't been listening. Cole likes to hear himself talk. Sometimes it's best to just let him.

Sometimes it's also a good idea to not answer the question, even when it's clear that's what he wants. He just stares up at Cole with wide, innocent blue eyes on a face that he knows looks too young and doesn't say a damn thing. At this point, he can't even remember the point of the mission they were on, much less anything Cole might have been blathering on about. It started seeming less like deep-cover and more like a game of survival of the fittest a week ago- maybe Irina sent them out to see which one would come back alive.

Sark tries not to think of things like that.

"The thing is, Jules? People die all the time before their hearts actually stop." And Cole's back to talking, like he never lost whatever passes for a train of thought in that head of his. Sark's sure if Cole ever gets caught by the CIA or whoever might actually care, the local psychologists will have a field day trying to pick apart his head, provided they can do it without getting too scared. Cole's not the class act sociopath with no Freudian Excuse who was probably born bad- he's the model example of a normal man who went a bit wrong. He was one of them once. Normal. Sane. Sobering mirror to look into, really. One bad break and they all break like Cole did.

One of Sark's greatest ambitions is to never end up like Cole. Five steps away. Always five steps and he'll be fine. He's far too controlled to be that unhinged anyway.

"And _those people_... Are the ones that're scared to die, 'cause that's like admittin' to themselves that they've been dead all along."

Ah. And suddenly the point of this entire dance becomes painfully obvious. Sark's scared to die and most people are at least somewhat aware of that fact, but not for the reasons that Cole's suggesting. It's a bit more complex than that, but explaining psychological nuance to a man who recently had a psychotic break isn't high on Sark's list of priorities, especially not when that man has a knife to his throat.

Cole arches an eyebrow like he's waiting for him to speak up and finally he just asks, "You... Got somethin' to say to that, Jules?"

"Yes." It's the first time he's spoken since Cole put a knife to his throat. "Is the knife really necessary?"

The look in Cole's eyes is coldly furious, like he's reading something else into those words than what's obviously there. Broke another rule, Julian. You're running out of places for him to put scars where Irina won't notice them if she even pays that much attention. It's hard to make up a mental guidebook when it comes to dealing with Cole when the rules change according to his mood.

_Yes, the knife is neccessary._ Cole doesn't have to say as much- it's there in his eyes. It's a symbol. Put a sharp object in the hands of a man known to be impulsive and sadistic and then point him at a boy afraid to die and just see if if the kid can deny that he's not. Sark's terrified of Cole when he's unarmed- of course, he's going to be terrified of him when he's armed.

But that doesn't prove Cole's point. The truth of the matter is that it's people who aren't afraid to die who are already dead. Those people have nothing to lose, because they don't have anything left. Sark's not the one who is dead here- it's Cole. Sark might be the one terrified, but at least he's not trying to hide it. Cole is the one who has to overcompensate for everything, who picks on teenagers who are scared of him because it makes him feel powerful.

Sark's scared of him. That doesn't mean he doesn't think he's pathetic.

And all of this he doesn't say, but Cole knows it. They have an understanding. After all, they're more alike than either of them are comfortable with. Five steps isn't that far apart.

Cole pulls the knife away and flicks it closed and then flicks it open again, like he's reconsidering. After a moment, he stalks away and pulls a chair close to the nearest wall and starts carving things into the wall- just tallies at first that probably have no meaning, a random 'Kilroy was here' thrown up in a fit of amusement, stick figures...

He doesn't say another word the rest of the night.

Tomorrow, Cole will act like he's his best friend again (he's not and never was) and pretend this conversation never happened, because that's how it's been since they met. It's a game that only Cole knows the point and the rules of and Sark's just stuck playing it, because he can't get away from the man. Cole likes him too much and hates him at the same time, and Sark will never know what he did to deserve this.

Five steps.

He takes solace in the fact that he'll never let himself get that unhinged.


End file.
